Not Forever, But For Now

The first book I read by Chuck Palahniuk was Choke. I wish I could say I had been reading Chucks books since before the movie Fight Club, but I don’t think many of us were. I cried reading Choke. I cried when watching the movie many years later in a small theater by myself, especially when it ended with Radiohead’s Reckoner. That song meant a lot to me during that time. Watching Choke with the one and only Sam Rockwell gave me another feeling that I often have, that it was made for me in that moment of time. The movie wasn’t the book though, the book that I would find myself buying additional copies of to give to people I love, friends or anyone that I know would appreciate it.

Fast forward 20 years later, the full Chuck Palahniuk collection sits happily inside of my book case (including many autographed editions). Palahniuk the name I say when someone asks who my favorite Author is. Kevin always correcting me “PaUl-a-niK”, I know he’s right and I really should be saying his name correctly but it always comes out PUh-loo-nik for some reason. Anyways, now I have seen you in person and now I have an autographed blow up Kangaroo too that which I need to figure out where he will be sitting permanently in our apartment. Also, I’m sorry to the girl sitting to the left of us, she may have wanted the stuffed Kangaroo that Kevin caught for Cooper or the blow up one he caught for me but I promise.. I really needed them both.

Okay Chuck, I know I took way too long to visit you on a book tour. I could never make it happen for some reason or another OR maybe the universe thought September 6th, 2023 was the day? I think so.

From my notes (I try to type while not looking at my phone because I never want to seem like I’m texting and know I’ll figure it all out later)

When I started reading Chucks books, I spent most of the time marveling over these perfect sentences he wrote. Highlighting them, writing them in my journals, updating my “headline” on Myspace with them. Most of all just wishing I was able to put words together like this, to sound so beautiful, to move someone, to write words so aesthetically perfect next to one another on a page. This night on his book tour for his newest book Not Forever, But For Now, Chuck talked about this. THIS was actually part of his process, these sentences I’ve been obsessing over, he’s obsessed over too and he uses these sentences to transition his stories. Process is something my left brain self, longing for the right brain art can understand, so I listened. When he spoke the words: “I love the way you keep the mud alive” I didn’t need to know the story, I understood him and it made me feel good that we both felt the same way about such a sentance.

To the pursuit of not sounding like a maniac all over the place here in this blog or in real life, to grow as a writer, to share (outside of reg social media channels), to be better at containing some of my over passionate-ness (<- and also work on vocabulary). This is why starting this blog/journal thing with Chuck is suiting. “By the time I get it perfect it’s going to be over.”